TOUGH BREAK
Journal Entry
THOUGHTS™
03–11–2022
︎ Writer: Stew Caldo
Jesus, this was the most difficult week of my entire life. Random thought before I dive into that: I'd like to start reading again. I think I'll go to the bookstore today and buy some more bukowski. I liked him.
[REDACTED] I took a red eye home and got to LA at 4AM. I wake up at 6:45AM for my next production. Just reading that out loud makes me sick. How the fuck did I do this.
[5 PARAGRAPHS, REDACTED]
It was around this point that I realized I was burnt out. Fully. That night at the airport I was sinking bad. I wanted to give up. So many people were depending on me, and for some reason I couldn't [Find a safe place] to hide. I guess a better thing to say would be, I couldn't utilize my agency. Everyone wanted me physically present [REDACTED]. Throughout the week I had had other [REDACTED] yell at me, tell me [REDACTED], and even some bull shit [REDACTED] drama. The power at the office had been going out still, so all the while I was on craigslist and loopnet searching for new offices. All of this piled up together just felt impossible for me.
But I think some part of me is growing and realizing that life is just problems building up for you to slowly take apart. The mountain will pile up again, and you'll figure it out. Just like you did the other hundred thousand times. I began to realize this week that the best thing you can do is roll with the punches until the set is done, then get yours in. Set up a good defense, dig in to the things that make you happy. Secure your head, and hold out for that bit of light. And when it comes, bask in it. Take advantage of every ray of light peaking in to that dark room you're stuck in, use it to find your way out. Patience is the key. Waiting for your moment. It feels like someone tied you up and threw you down river. You can't struggle, kick, punch your way out right away. You patiently hold your breath, knowing that you'll slip the knot once you loosen it a bit. Keeping sane during those moments is what defines you. Being rooted in your identity and in your purpose is the key.
[ADDED NOTE: Drink more. More wine, more beer, more whiskey. All we really have is that short-lived moment with loved ones, surrounding a bottle and cups full of ice. Relish the times when conversation grows so loud you begin to lose your own thoughts. It’s very rare we get to be present minded, yet lost in a moment all at once. Learn to not rush through that. There’s nothing better on the other side of it.]