DOING SHIT WORTH DOING


Journal Entry

THOUGHTS™

06–02–2022

︎ Writer: Stew Caldo




I talked with [REDACTED] yesterday and realized I'm in a similar spot to where I was around this time last year. Or maybe a bit later in the year but still.


I told him about loss of lust for life. Losing touch with it all. Feeling lost in a tornado of habitual demise.


His response: All you can do is take ownership for everything.


I can't believe it only took months to forget this. I'm holding to this answer for dear life. Knuckles white.


I need to take ownership for the content I consume. I constantly listen to shit content, watch shit tv, shit movies. Just filling my mind with a droning buzz of bull shit. I listened to a good podcast for 10 minutes and felt a million times better. I don't know why I'm acting like I'm this difficult puzzle.


I need to take ownership for the habits I partake in. I've been waking up and just laying in bed. I've been coming home and watching TV, playing video games, all the same shit I used to do.


I need to take ownership for my own passion towards what I do.


[REDACTED] told me something cool as well.


What would I do if I had 6 months left to live?


I'd probably quit [EDITED: A lot of my current endeavors] – or at least shift everything I do. Stop saying yes to all of the gimmicky brands and jobs that I hate. Focus fully on projects that are fulfilling. [REDACTED]


I'd want to make sure I left a massive legacy in the last 6 months. Stuff like this short film.


Creative work that I love. Polaroids, film, VHS.


I'd want to document things that have purpose. Stuff worth talking about.


I'd want to do things worth talking about.


Sadly, not all of my current work is worth talking about.


Can I just leave this stuff behind and start living each day like it's my last? Do you lose the compound momentum when you do it? I imagine that's like reliving the same day over and over and over with no progress. There's gotta be some level of maintaining what you've built?


I know the answer isn't dropping my current work in a drastic action. That's my ticket to legacy. That's my ticket to purpose. I just need to shift the focus. Shift it to things worth doing.


Yeah, wow, I've lost my way. There's nothing cool about my work as of late. I have so many talented people at my fingertips, so many potential projects, and here I am working with clients who can’t even take the time to [REDACTED]? Who cares if I'm good at it, it's not worth anyones time.


Who cares if it buys a house.


It's not worth talking about. It's not worth doing.


I've never settled in any part of my life. Why would I settle on the biggest part of it. Phi and I's brainchild. Why the fuck would I settle?


There are things worth doing within these doors. It requires an understanding of the change that is to come.


First, I need to finish [REDACTED].