THE PREMIERE
Journal Entry
THOUGHTS™
07–31–2022
︎ Writer: Stew Caldo
Last night was the premiere. Such a special night – a feeling I'll hold dear for a long while. I can't express how grateful I am for all of the notes, letters, and words people shared with me last night after seeing the project. Some even before – A girl wrote a letter to me and left it with the check-in desk. Someone I've never met. They found out I was working on a project for people with chronic illnesses and just wanted to share their gratitude. How much freedom it brought to her and others like her fighting a silent battle.
Watching 150 people see it for the first time was incredible. All of my friends had so many emotions to share from the night. I had no clue a creative project of mine would invoke so many emotions and thoughts. I mean, these people see incredible work everyday. This felt so insignificant compared to the other things these people see each day online. But somehow, the purpose, people, and project all connected in a way that left a lasting impression. It made tears well up. It brought laughter and smiles to faces. It pulled people out of LA for a short moment and let them live in another world.
And after the film, we drank and danced until our feet hurt and our vision grew hazy. That's the one thing I love about Phi and I – We throw amazing parties. My favorite parties are the ones that we've thrown together. Maybe selfishly, that's because the parties are always celebrating something we've done. Whatever it may be, some of the best nights of my life have been the ones we curated together.
I feel that my writing lately has declined. I feel a bit of pressure to write better than I am. But at the same time, I feel disconnected more than usual. I'm trying to aid that by limiting my phone usage, making more time for myself – but it's kinda just a state of mind I've been waking up in. I feel like I've put my head down so hard trying to succeed that it's hard to come up for air and just think for a moment. I think going to the park today will ease that. Wether it's alone, or with [REDACTED]. I need to have a moment in the park.
I will say, I've firmly decided I want to be a director. I think I've been in limbo about that decision. Waiting for the film to come out. But after last night I've decided. I've never felt like that before. Everything felt natural and in its place. More than anything, because of the purpose and nature of the film. It wasn't for vanity. It wasn't for trends. It was something all on it's own, different than anything I'd ever thought of or anybody could have imagined. And I don't credit myself for that. It was the people I brought together, and the drive and glue I provided. What an odd team to bring together for an odd project. But that was my biggest contribution. I had a brief idea, then brought together a weird team to make it happen.
This will be my guiding compass in moving toward this dream:
- Doing shit that matters – a purpose behind what I do
- Doing it with people that care – no apathetic members on a team
- Doing it to the limit, taking every risk imaginable – shooting my first project ever, on film, over budget, with people I didn't know. All risks that made this worth it. There is nothing worth doing that isn't risky. But failure is success. It's a result of pursuit, just the same as success is. They're not opposites, they're synonyms. They're very very similar. Because as long as I'm moving in some direction, it is forward.